Sunshine in twilight

"Well hello there, old man!"

I lift my eyes up to find him peering in excitedly. He is shorter than the others. Not a large person either. His hair is thinning but he seems to have an certain energy his age can't conceal.

"And what are you doing by yourself?", he continues.

By myself ? Did I really have a say in that? Some oldies might prefer to spend their twilight years in seclusion but some of us certainly do crave company. No matter what you hear about this phase in life, nothing quite prepares you for the rude shocks that jolt you at a time when your heart is weak.

He steps into my space but I am too weak to object. What difference does it make?He's probably being courteous like his parents taught him to be. Within the hour, he will have visited the others and be on his way home. He kneels down and looks at me kindly as he examines my surroundings.

"You look so sad! Are you not enjoying this sunshine today?", he reaches out and squeezes me.

It has been a while since I enjoyed a sunny morning, I'd like to tell him. But I am too tired to respond. Frankly I can't remember the last time I did enjoy a sunny morning. A single moment of true joy is worth more than a lifetime of happiness. Katie used to love it so much when Julie Andrews said that line in that funny movie about princesses. But what makes a moment truly joyful is the presence of love in your life. Have you ever wondered how simple things turn so beautiful when love is around you? Colours turn vivid, music turns melodic and people seem to be happier around you. So sad then that the same simple pleasures in life lose their charm just as quickly when that love goes away.

I've never held grudges about the decisions in my life which were made without my consent. I've learnt to adapt to my environs everywhere life has taken me. I've even learned to love unconditionally, something I am sincerely proud of. I just never learned to prepare myself for a time when those strengths hold no good anymore. Then again, how could I have foreseen such a time in my life ?

Whatever happened to taking things for granted? Was I a fool to have loved unconditionally?Had I been naive to think that the same people I'd helped would one day watch over me? Have I just not been smart enough or have people always been this way?

The first time I started to notice a change was when Gertrude fell ill. The old dame had been visited by the doctor several times but I knew she had several years left in her. Even though we both complained about our weak bones, no one could move around the house like she did. When the doctor finally instructed that he'd stop visiting if she sneaked out of bed one more time, I knew I couldn't leave her side. She needed me and I wasn't going anywhere.

The kids never really stopped by. But then, who am I to find folly with the innocence of youth? What hurt the most was the way Craig and Tracy sighed everytime Gertrude asked for a favour. "You need to go to the bathroom again?" "No, it isnt time for your meds yet. Yes, we remember!" " I really cant get to that right now. We are late for work already".

It killed me that I wasn't of much help in my incapacitated state. I did have my own needs but they could wait.

One cold night , Gertrude jolted out of her sleep with a soft cry. My heart raced in panic. This did not feel right. I hurried down the stairs,promising to return soon. By the time I'd returned with Craig, she was heaving uncontrollably. My eyes grew wide as Craig tried to steady her breathing. I backed into a corner and stared aghast as my soulmate's body jerked hard and then slowed into a lump.

In the middle of the night, she had left me. The loss was devastating and I withdrew into a shell. No faces cheered me for days and nothing seemed to excite me again. Her memories filled my mind and angered me. How could she have left me this way?And how was I supposed to move on as these images tormented me? I started to turn snappish and that didn't go unnoticed. For several days, Craig and Tracy came down hard on me, terming me to be 'difficult'.

What a sad irony in life that the same people who seek your full attention in their infancy find that same job 'difficult' when tables turn!

I didn't complain when they decided that I couldn't stay with them anymore. Separation was not new to me. I had been adopted as a young one. I'd never known my mother. The one person I truly knew had now left me for another world. And how much time did I have left anyway? A few more years and I would be a forgotten memory, save the occasionally amusing anecdote at the dinner table.

I've lived in my new space for a few months now. The day Craig brought me here was the last time I ever saw or heard of him. The people here do take good care of me. They do the best they can. And I'm grateful for that.

On occasion, a kind person bothers to stop by and spend some time with me. Usually they are young kids. But sometimes young men and women wearing green aprons stop by too. Much like this young man who is now holding me and massaging my muscles. I realise now that he has been here for well over 30 minutes, longer than most people bother to spend.

"There! Doesn't that feel good, old man?" he chirps with a warm smile.

"It sure does", I wag my tail on the floor in gratitude.