MAD tv - Bon Qui Qui at King Burger

Ooh..don't laugh at Bon Qui Qui!
RUDE!

Bollywood Bachelorette

Raakhi ka Swayamvar!

Oh there are so many things wrong with this ! It pains me and kills me to decide where I can begin! In particular, allow me to direct your attention (if you can peel your eyes away from the image of this sultry siren) to the videos posted on this site.

Miss Raakhi Sawant claims she is but the perfect combo of Miss India+Mother India as she gazes coyly and admits that she is now seeking a suitable patidev. Let him come from any corner of the earth! Riches dont matter but then, they dont hurt either! Above all, does he have it in him to sweep her off her feet?After all, she IS Raakhi!

Sigh...the irony....

Facing an open book

As annoying as its applications can be, Facebook does tend to get people addicted to it. I don't care a rat's hinny if Joe Schmoe were to throw a sheep at Chuck Schmuck. Or for that matter, who really wanted to know what comments friends were writing off to one another. Are we trying to bare it all?

But I digress as always! There is one particular application on this obnoxious networking site which somehow amazes me everyday and leaves me wanting to see more. Here's what yesterday's Astrology Prediction application had to say for me:

It doesn't matter what your family thinks today, there are just too many romantic opportunities to pass up. You may find yourself involved with a partner that your family disapproves of but you'll enjoy yourself immensely if you allow yourself to follow your heart.

It is pretty eerie how the application tends to predict my state of mind even if it is off by a day or two.

Why am I sharing this here? Am I daring myself to go a little further every day?Or am I daring the people around me to come one step closer?Am I being reckless by throwing caution to the winds?Or have I finally found security to know that my faith is unshakeable?

I don't know. Ultimately, I just want to share.It is as simple as that. I am tired of the awkward "umms" and "aahs" as my feet shuffle. I am tired of that constant pining that eats me inside.We can all find anonymity online or in the real world to help us don masks, seek distance and hide our true selves. Ultimately, we still yearn to connect and share by throwing sheep,fending with chairs or blogging after midnight.

Today,supposedly things are brighter!

It will be an excellent day for partying, socializing and getting together with friends. Art, music, drama and dance are all good distractions. If you are single, it would be a major crime to sit in the house alone today. You could be missing a wonderful opportunity.

Superman and MakdiMati

On an otherwise mundane Friday afternoon when time seemed to have stood still at work, Miss Kitty directed my attention to this scintillating video of a desi version of Superman and his Lady Love. Methinks barring Mukesh Khanna in ShaktiMaan, Govinda could not have been a better fit for a desi superhero needing to sport supersized briefs outside his pants (Nacho Libre meets Tantex!). Ah and clearly, that rocks the world of his premika-the svelte Spiderwoman (henceforth named MakdiMati)!

Points of observation:
1.As romance blossoms at 30,000 ft, the superhero couple surveys the scene in Bombay to ensure all's well. Robotic heritage is apparent from the way heads turn to sweep a 70-degree field of view. Who dares say that such superheroes arent from another planet?!
2."Tu mera superman! Tu meri lady!"....Superheroes prefer simplicity.
3.Always stay in shape and that means butt-workout in the middle of a disco-style duet.
4.Fun and dance is great but duty comes first!Place song on hold to rescue damsel in distress. Hunt for said damsel's spineless boyfriend and hand her in his charge before returning to song+dance.
5.Change locations every few minutes. No dearth of parks!
6.Quickly identify trendy party to crash, regardless of location. You are superheroes.You can get anywhere.
7.Make MakdiMati show some mast moves to ignite fantasies of common layman and sadak-chaap type log.



God bless the 80s.

For better or for worse...

"This is so childish!", Sagar called out."I know you're in there. Why can't you just come out?"

He'd been standing outside for over 20 minutes and the heat wave was killing him. "Atleast let me in,dammit! I stay here any longer and I'm going to turn as dark as you!"

He knew that should do the trick. Eshwar hated it when people compared his complexion with Sagar's. Their oddities combined had ensured a friendship which has lasted several years. Sagar knew he could bank on that to take liberties at times and shower abuses at will. 

Sure enough, that afternoon he heard a lock unlatch and Eshwar stuck his head out. "I'd gladly let you wait out here for the rest of the evening but I don't want your parents to pound on my door tonight when they see their darling prince sweaty. What do you want?"

"What do I want? You haven't been seen in a week!You stood me up for that stupid charity event I signed up to help your friend Ritika. We were counting on you to finish the  Thermodynamics assignment due Tuesday.And you wanna know what I want? I want your ass roasted in this midday heat,that's what I want!Frickin moron!"

"Ok ok, stop yelling. It's bad enough that you're in my face trying to drag me out. Can't a guy go underground for a few days? Noo...Mr.Sagar has draw him out and drag him to every damn thing in his fancy life."

"You're lucky I do that in the first place. You wouldn't even have a life otherwise, you big fat hippo!"

"Screw you!I want you to apologise for saying that!"

"Apologise? Ok...I'm sorry you are fat!"

"Humph!I wonder where you come up with lines like that!"

"You know, I pull them right out of my ass!"

"No wonder they stink!"

"SCREW YOU!". But by this time, they were both laughing and they knew how much they had missed this camaraderie.

"So what's her name?", Sagar quipped."You wouldn't be in hiding for such a long time if it weren't for a girl who made you painfully shy."

"I can't talk about it this time. Not yet, atleast."

"Well at least tell me something about her! Have I seen her somewhere?How do you know her?"

"We hang out a lot. Pretty casual, you know.We just talk casually and it's fun."

"Hmm...so you guys are just friends?Nothing more?"

"I don't know. I'd like to take it further but I'm not sure."

"How long have you known her?"

"Oh .. off and on...a few months. Maybe more..."

"You weasel!You've known her for a few months and you haven't told me yet?"

"LOOK, I said I didn't want to talk about it.Let's just drop it, ok?"

"Whatever!If I'd been seeing a guy for a few months, we would have had an anniversary by now."

"If you'd been seeing a guy for a few months, it'd be snowing in Chennai considering you barely see a guy for 3 dates!"

They had been walking around the neighbourhood for a while and they stopped under a tree. Sagar spotted a man selling coconuts and he bought a large, raw coconut for himself. The water inside was warm but delicious in the midday heat. His head bent over, he sipped through a straw noisily.

"OK I'm sorry!", Eshwar spat out. The delivery made the apology quite unconvincing.

Sagar shrugged his shoulders and continued to empty the coconut, knowing the noise made by his straw was driving Eshwar mad.

"This person is really great. I just didn't want to jinx things up. I really care for our friendship and I don't want to end up losing that. That's why I've not made a big deal about this so far."

"That's fine. Whatever." Sagar was busy scraping tender coconut peels.

"And you're not the kind of tramp I said you were!Cut me some slack!"

Sagar glanced out of the corner of his eye.

"So why are you so hung up over this girl?Does she even have a name?"

"We just click,you know? I really enjoy hanging together with this person. We have a good time and we do a lot of fun things together."

"Think she feels the same way?"

"I don't know. I don't think so....I mean, how do you know for sure, right?"

 "Well, sometimes you just can. You gotta watch for the signs. Girls are pretty expressive when it comes to that, you know"

"Yeah but..oh,forget it. It's complicated."

"There's an original line. No wonder even match-making sites have started to offer that as an option when you try to pick a status on your profile. What could be soo.."

"You don't get it!", Eshwar cut him short."Things aren't always the way you see them, ok?We all handle relationships differently and what's right for you doesn't work for everyone! You might be able share everything under the sun with your guy but that doesn't mean I can do the same with mine!"

Sagar looked away and took a deep breath.

"I thought I'd ask some friends about what I should do.So let me ask you this. Don't tell me what you yourself would do. Tell me what you'd do if you were me."

"Look, I mean...I don't know...I can't...that's not fair. You know I'm pretty opinionated about these things.", Sagar fished for words.

"It's ok.", Eshwar insisted."You're not going to be forcing me to do anything.I'm just curious to find out what you'd do in my shoes.I've talked to some people and they've had lots of thoughts.They aren't friends you might know. Sometimes it helps to get an outsider's perspective."

"Well, at the risk of being an outsider myself here, I guess I'd just gauge things based on body language first. I mean, if you are really unsure about telling this person and you want to test the waters first, you should probably read body language. People can't fake that. You just know when someone is trying to send you signals to take things further ahead. I don't know....what did your other friends say?"

"Well their opinions were all over the board.", Eshwar sighed."Some of them felt I shouldn't risk it 'coz they felt it was not going to go anywhere. But a lot of people said I should just follow my heart and go for it."

"Well, ordinarily I'd say the same thing but I really think you should take some time first and try to read the signs you are or aren't receiving. It might help prepare yourself if, I mean...you know."

It was now Eshwar's turn to look away. 

"Look, I'm just watching out for you. I don't want you to risk everything and get hurt tomorrow."

"Umm...no that's fine. I understand.", Eshwar mumbled.

"If you still want to come clean, that's fine. Just be cautious and see the signs first,ok?"

"Yeah.I..I'll figure it out."

They had arrived back at Eshwar's house and the afternoon sun had cooled to an acceptable temperature.It was still very warm but the sunshine felt good.

"Ok, I'll have to go finish that Thermo-D assignment you were supposed to complete for us. The gang is meeting at Sunil's place in an hour."

"Yeah, sorry about that. I didn't mean to ditch you guys.In fact,I'll try to.."

"Nah , that's ok", Sagar brushed his offer aside."We'll finish it but can you please get out of your depression? You could put a basset hound to shame."

"Oh just get lost!", Eshwar grinned. "I'll see you in class on Monday."

"Yeah, see you then."

Sagar walked out into the street punching digits on his cellphone and tripping over a small rock simultaneously.Eshwar watched him leave and sighed.

Silly fool! How dumb are you? I wish I could tell you that it is YOU!I can't even say that to your face. I don't know if you've figured things out.Nah, you probably haven't. But why did keep harping about signs?Are you trying to tell me something?I wish I knew! Wish I had the guts but I love you too much to do this. Isn't that ironic? I love you too much to tell you!

Sagar reached the corner of the street and turned around. Eshwar was standing at his doorstep, leaning on the wall casually. He waved and Sagar waved back before he disappeared around the corner.

Poor Eshwar! I feel so terrible! I can't believe you've had feelings for me!ME! I mean,when did you even know? I thought you were always straight! You've always been my straight man-friend. I just couldn't see you any other way and I couldn't even tell you that I knew. I couldn't jump to that unless you had mentioned it. I hope you were smart enough to figure out what I was trying to tell you.

Don't make me give you an answer by opening your heart to me. I can't do this to you. I know how sensitive you are. I'd hate to be the one rejecting you but I can't wish myself to be the guy you want me to be either. That's not fair,is it? And you were putting me in such a tough spot!I wanted to hint at my answer but I also wanted to be your friend and tell you the right thing to do. 

Don't make me pick sides,Eshwar!

The pursuit of happiness

I finally finished reading "The Geography of Bliss" earlier today. I must say that I have a love-hate relationship with this book. There are parts where I loved the author's words, parts where I hated them and parts where I loved to hate what he had to say.

In a nutshell, the author hitherto known as the 'Sully Scribe' and decidedly proud to claim himself to be eternally depressed/unhappy, now intends to explore the 7 continents , traverse distant seas and scale peaks to locate the places in the world where people are happiest in general. The romantic expedition has all the trappings of adventures accompanied by epiphanies and revelations one dreams to realise at some point in one's otherwise dreary life. Strangely, as I bore deeper and deeper into this book, I had to acknowledge a growing sense of resentment...no, restlessness is the right word. SS probably tried to fight this same feeling before deciding to quell it by setting off on his journey. As much as I'd love to follow his lead, I don't have an inexhaustible source of wealth, the amount of vacation time or the comforting cheer from family (wonder how excited his wife was about this idea) to go country-hopping for months. The result is aggravated restlessness which needed to be addressed swiftly before my flaky witless alter-ego took over and executed some crazy decisions ("Mr.Manager?I QUIT!That's right.I'm off to HappyLand!")

The Sully Scribe heads to Holland which houses a 'Happiness Institute' (dedicated to the study of happiness) in ironically bleak buildings. Clutching a list of countries which lead the world in claiming to have happy residents, SS visits over 12 countries and spends time talking to their citizens from all walks of life and strata in society. The effort is well-appreciated and just when you near the end of every chapter anticipating a profound truth from that culture, the author wraps it up with a succint 360-degree perspective about what makes that country tick(or not tick) without actually describing how that relates to his quest. The observations he makes about people in a country far outnumber the reasons he quotes to explain why his quest does not end there. Nor does he completely clarify another interesting question. What would he do once he locates Utopia?Relocate with his family?Return to America and spread the good word?

After reading several accounts of his travels in Qatar,Thailand,Iceland and other lands, it seems highly unlikely that our dear SS would ever feel completely at peace in any one place. The book progressively gave me the feeling that he was making the same mistake millions of people do the world over (and have been doing for centuries)-striving for active change to ensure happiness. People change homes,change jobs,change partners,change lifestyles and even change themselves all the while hoping that there has to be something better out there that they're missing out on. Change itself is not a bad thing but change in pursuit of a better good needs to be coupled with good reasoning. What is this better good that we try to strive for? A new home? More luxuries?A better relationship?Can that change really ensure the longevity of that better good?

After sailing the seven seas, our dejected SS returns home and talks to several people from his home city of Miami who decided to move to Asheville NC. "Is this home?", he asked them after seeing how happy they were with the move. "It is for now.."

The book does a great job of describing people and their way of life. Does the author find what he's looking for? Probably not. When he returns to America, you expect him to sit back and sigh, "Home is where the heart is". I doubt he has decided to end his quest in Miami or anywhere in America.

Hinduism does a noble job of addressing this issue to a considerable extent. The things which have the potential to make us happy (sukham) or unhappy (dukkham) are not ultimately powerful enough to sustain. These are fleeting changes in the expanse of a lifetime and they are more aptly defined as pleasures and displeasures. Pleasure can be a source of endless joy for some people and pleasure can be disturbing for many depending on that source. Regardless, pleasure is not happiness-what we call bliss(anandam).

When we make changes to our lives, we tend to focus on sukham more than anandam-immediate pleasure over lasting bliss. This might be a subconscious decision which we happen to realise much later. If we are to attain bliss (and ofcourse that isn't easy), we need to awaken to the realisation that one goal cannot exist in the presence of another. Bliss doesnt come through a steady source of pleasure.Nor can the quest for pleasure deliver something blissful. We aren't perfect beings and so we make our choices and remain 'content'.

The Vedas also decry the purpose of desire. Desire develops an attraction which lends itself to a fixation and eventually an obsession. This obsession plagues our mind, and rids us of our intellect. What hope do we have left after the complete loss of our senses? While this makes perfect sense, how does one tackle the pursuit of happiness? The scriptures encourage us to seek bliss (ananda not sukha) and unite with Brahman, the universal spirit. How then does one deal with the desire to attain bliss? We could heed to the words of the Gita and perform our duties with no expectation of their fruits whatsoever. Does that still justify the presence of this desire anyway? I have no further answers and if you do, please tell me.

Another reason why this book got me restless is because I have always struggled to come up with my own definition of 'happiness'. I now understand the difference between pleasure and bliss and while I certainly haven't uncovered the secret to a blissful existence (for me), I am unable to define what could even come close.

One time in 7th grade, we were asked to use a pin-up chart and come up with answers to the question, "What makes you happy?". Today I can tell you what makes me joyful, feel content, feel at ease,feel pleased and even feel pleasured. When I know my family is safe, I am content.When I know people love and care for me, I am comforted. When I see or do an act of kindness, I feel good or rewarded. But I still don't know what makes me happy.

Do you?

What's love got to do with it ?

A playwright introduced me to a wonderful collection of poems from several cultures. The compositions were mostly from the middle ages (6th-13h centuries) and they celebrated love in its most passionate,decadent and at times unbearably painful forms. The romances took me to soaring heights, literally, as I flew across the country in the middle of the night to visit dear friends in Chicago who coincidentally had gotten married recently. Fatigue took over but fingers protested as I had to give form to my own thoughts on the subject. Here's an ode to love...

Lady Love

A temptress, you tease with sly smile

Scores approach, their arms you cradle

Brazen whore!How easy you slip in blinks!

No mercy for my naive heart

That soars and sighs in sweet suspense

From afar you exude yet ne'er you approach

And still lame fool only wonders

Such pain persists in mere solitude

How infinitely worse must be

The tragedy of separation...

The next morn...

The first rays fell on supple skin

Warming my form bursting with life

Why now does fresh air smell sweeter

Wherefrom this intoxication

Inching into my every spore,I inhale in hunger

His hold tightens and I exhale

Encaged in arms engaged

A dove,in his sky I soar

Morning bliss

For here you are

Eight winters left me benumbed

The warmth, that glow my skin once shone

Now mere trace of flame

Fighting for life

Come finally,the spring of destiny

Tis been far too long,my love

Your face I've seen only in dreams

I doubt no less you're anything but

The sum of all my aspirations

The heart awaits, its rhythm paused

Mirage

Should anything dare to stand brave

Face you in a test of sheer beauty

Can only be this moment I dream

When we unite after many winters

At last! That dawn now arrives

Resplendent, the joy of a thousand mornings

But what be this?Your beauty dims!

Words smite and gestures ignore

Eight million winters I could have endured

Alas! This be the dusk of a thousand mournings

Classic dance sequences from Indian cinema

For the sheer wealth of talent which I am about to comment upon, I shall refrain from resorting to cynicism in this one post alone! The universe is well aware of my relentless criticism of poorly made movies,particularly from Bollywood or mainstream Indian cinema. My biggest peeve lies with the poor standards of lyrics employed by popular foot-tapping numbers in recent years. On the flip side, I derive a lot of pleasure in appreciating the choreography of a song which has been superbly crafted to match that song's musical excellence. Indian cinema today cannot really claim to boast of fantastic dancers of the calibre which actresses used to possess several decades ago. Yes,we do have Madhuri Dixit (God knows we hope she'll never stop dancing!) but in past years, we have seen some amazing women (and some men) enthrall audiences with their moves, classical for the most part. Here are some of my favourite numbers which showcase actors in Indian cinema for their talent in dance. They DEFINITELY are not arranged in any particular order as I cannot compare their talents and rank them.

1.Waheeda Rahman in "Piya tose naina laage re" (Guide)

I could try to suitably describe the magic that R.D Burman's music creates with Shailendra's lyrics especially when Lata renders it in her own style but as unforgettable as the music can be, it would be impossible to remember this song without Waheeda's graceful dance. If you are really curious to find out more about this number, click on the "more info" link found in the video link above. The description does justice to the video which I cannot hope to reword.

2.Vyjayanthimala in "Honthon pe aisi baat"(Jewel Thief)

Feast your eyes on Vyjayanthi's myriad expressions as she prances around the hall to entertain the prince and his court in Nepal while danger lurks everywhere. This is one phenomenally talented dancer, the likes of which we haven't seen since.

3.Kumari Kamala in "Abhinayangal.."(Konjum Salangai)

Bharatnatyam is probably the oldest form of classical dance in the world today and this song is a glowing tribute to its many nuances. Kumari Kamala does apt justice by bringing out the 5 'jathis' in the taalam(beat). The acts of creating portraits through the course of their dances may be an exaggeration but I would easily believe that such feats were(and are) possible by skilled students of this South Indian dance form.

4.Shobana in "Oru murai vandhu paarthaiya"(Manichitrathaazhu)

As a newly wedded wife who identifies with an alternate personality (that of a courtesan),Shobana etched this role to such perfection that the original Malayalam movie(featuring a Tamil song) was later remade in Kannada,Tamil,Telugu and Hindi. Shobana is an accomplished Bharatnatyam dancer herself and this song has been treasured by her fans as one of her best dances in Indian cinema. The jerky opening moves give way to refinement when she transports herself back in time to relive the romance she once had.

5.Helen in "Piya tu ab to aaja"(Caravaan)

Time to pay our tribute to the grand old dame of Indian cabaret songs. I'd love to pick a whole bunch of songs by Helen to bring out her versatility but this one's probably the most famous. Check out how infectious her energy is!

6.Madhuri Dixit in "Maar Dala"(Devdas)

Oh come now, can this compilation be complete without the lady with a million-dollar smile? In "Devdas", Madhuri plays a courtesan dancer who patiently waits to get her affections reciprocated by a dejected lover. In this song, she accepts a challenge testing to prove her faith in the lover's arrival at her chambers.

7.Madhubala in "Pyar kiya to darna kya"(Mughal-e-Azam)

Nine years in the making, this movie broke all box-office records in India when it was released in 1960. The film tells the tragic love story between the Mughal emperor Jahangir and a dancer,Anarkali. Madhubala was irreplaceable in this role and one can't help but wonder at the striking resemblance between today's Madhuri and yesteryear's Madhubala. You have to check out some trivia related to this song and the movie itself!

8.Rekha in "Dil cheez kya hai"(Umrao Jaan)

Rekha turned legendary after the runaway success of this movie. Her simple gestures and emotions prove that a terrific dancer can charm you from right where she is seated. The beauty of these lyrics add to her rich expressions.

9. Karishma Kapoor and Madhuri Dixit in "Dance of Envy"(Dil to pagal hai)

Jealous of the new girl on the scene, Karishma's character gives Madhuri Dixit a run for her money in this dance-off.We all know Mads can dance but the lovely KK is no less and clearly...kitty has claws!

10.Vyjayanthimala and Padmini in "Kannum kannum"(Vanjikottai Valiban)

Ah, but if you want to see a real dance-off, step aside ladies! No duo can come close to Padmini and Vyjayanthimala as they match wit,charm,poise and grace in this legendary song. now both actresses were accomplished Bharatnatyam dancers in their time and it was impossible to decide who should be allowed to win the contest. Enter Gemini Ganesan to the rescue who saves the day when he realises that things are getting beyond control. I wish I could post the English translation of the entire Tamil song but that'd make this post way too long! Just know that the lyrics to this classic are as beautiful as the dancers who give them form.

Vyjayanthimala and Helen in "Muqabla humse na karo"(Prince):Bonus!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9jQmgcsRE44

Well!I couldn't really do justice to my obsession with Vyjayanthimala without including this one last number which pits her against cabaret queen, Helen. It's a sheer pleasure to watch them showcase so many dance forms in this number from "Prince".

Dawning

12.24AM.

I just got home after watching "Slumdog Millionaire", the new movie featuring a rags-to-riches story of a boy who grows up in the slums of Mumbai. While an objective review of the film could take me several hours, I must honestly admit that my first thoughts might get tainted with impulsive indignation about the poor light in which the city of Mumbai and the people of India are graphically portrayed. For those reasons, I'll refrain from attempting a review. I cannot criticize the director for being so brutal with his camera. Nor can I sigh in exasperation when a western audience gasps in horror at the sight of stark poverty, the likes of which they either do not see in their countries or choose not to. Life is what it is and things in India are the way they are. A million things contribute to their functioning and you really cannot expect to understand it unless you have lived in their midst. I can neither make accusations nor offer explanations since I am one of several million Indians who are aware of this economic disparity but do little more than comment in a safe environment or make a small donation to a non-profit organisation they might trust.

But I digress. What I can comment about is in fact something more lucid and indeed sublime.  The patriot in me often ignites in argument,protest and rage whenever my country and its people are cast in an unattractive light. I am learning to acknowledge that as much as I pride in my heritage, I cannot deny the existence of a plethora of problems which gain intensity mostly due to inaction. Thus it happened that I adopted restraint in the movie theatre when people around me turned away or let out soft cries when harsh scenes of wretched poverty burned in front of them. However, the same audience watched the movie for the story of a young boy, not for an education about cosmopolitan Indian living. They cried when he pined for his love just as much as they cried when he was beaten on the streets. When the movie ended, a soft applause broke out to celebrate the portrayal of a human story that transcends social differences, economic disparity and religious intolerance. That moment somehow triggered me to remind myself that we are indeed all human, no matter how trite that sounds. We want and need the same things in life, although they might be on different scales. And while prejudices may always exist between societies, they cannot prevail for long when individuals connect instead.

The other thing I noticed tonight was a truth more fleeting and definitely, more personal. There is a scene in the movie where Jamaal, the protagonist,  is on his way to the game show which might make or break his destiny. Stuck in a traffic jam, Jamaal looks out of the window of the car and is momentarily bewildered when a woman recognizes him on the street. Cheering him on his success, she exclaims,"Go win the jackpot, my son! May you have my blessings!".

To me, this scene alone was powerful enough to pack everything that is about Indian culture in a few seconds of cinema. The chaotic traffic  surrounding Jamaal reflects a complex amalgam of differences that thrives in Indian culture. The differences scream out much like the horns of vehicles which blare incessantly. A layman on the street walks on indifferently, weaving his way through this mess just as millions of Indians deal with the vagaries of life they are all too familiar with. It takes a person to get into a bubble in this chaos and observe what surrounds him to understand the bigger picture. Jamaal's bewilderment mainly arises because this is the first time he has been able to step out of his world and experience something more. Recognition for him has always brought pain or abuse. For the first time, he is recognized in fame. For a moment, he forgets about his nondescript existence and observes the functioning of the masses. For me, it took a journey away from home to pause and ponder the same way.

The revelation turned more poignant for me when the woman called out to Jamaal and blessed him with luck. The simple sequence plucked my heart's strings as I thought about all of my parents' friends and even other strangers who automatically became my 'uncles' and 'aunties', old ladies who became 'grandmas' and men a few years older who became 'brothers'.  A certain oneness exists between us as we acknowledge friends and acquaintances as family members do. The warmth that I felt when I heard this woman call to Jamaal as her son is a feeling I can never hope to describe perfectly but fully expect other Indians to understand. I don't mean to trivialize the beauty of human emotions in western cultures but this is a sublime emotion which I have so far experienced only in India or with other Indians. To me, the scene was powerful enough to make me yearn for my own mother and marvel at the unshakeable faith she has in my prosperity (as any mother would have for her child). When I speak to her over the phone and reveal that I am battling a cold or getting depressed at work, she tells me my troubles will vanish for she will pray for me. They might not, at least not the very next day. But hearing her say those words is immensely healing. And trite or not, the heart pines to hear such words of comfort from those dear to it. 

To this day, when people bless me as they'd bless their own children, I am humbled and struck by the power in this parental instinct which forms emotional bonds in the absence of biological ties. So powerful is this emotion that it made me rush to my computer and battle with words to try convey it in the wee hours of the morn. So powerful was this scene in the movie that it will forever evoke a tear for me every time I watch it again, much like it did tonight.

...."For in the dew of little things, the heart finds its mornings and is refreshed."

2.00am

Truth be told...

Nikhil paused his typing to look up and catch sight of him. Tarun was every bit as handsome as Nikhil had hoped he wouldnt be. Concealing tinges of lust and other emotions, Nikhil dropped his head to focus on the typing and steal glances without being too obvious. Tarun was chatting up with the baristas as he ordered a drink to go.Success hadn't been served to Tarun on a silver platter.Atleast, that's what the tabloids had to say. Graduating with top honours from the University of Madras,he had opted to work for the state's ruling party instead of taking a more convenient and lucrative opportunity to head west and seek his fortune in law school. The decision paid off in due course of time and at 33, Tarun was one of the youngest persons to enjoy the distinction of serving the Chief Minister in his team of advisors. It wasnt just his age which set him apart. Tarun brought a refreshing perspective to politics hitherto governed by conservative players. He never ceased to question why or accept compromise. The media celebrated his success and had already touted him to be one of the youngest successors to occupy the country's highest chair.

That day, his sudden presence in the coffeeshop hadn't gone unnoticed.Whispers started to float around and pretty soon people started to crowd around him. Nikhil peeped out the window to peer into the posh Beamer which purred by the sidewalk. Instantly he turned back and chided himself for his cheap curiosity. He had promised himself that he'd never resort to such fanaticism, even on the low side. Not in this case atleast.

"Do you think he's really gay?I don't believe that! It'd be such a shame!"whispered a girl at the next table.

"I don't really know. I read somewhere that he once had a girlfriend and that she might be suing him soon.", her friend hissed.

"Well I for one don't believe it. I'm sure some trashy magazine started that rumour to create gossip. Some lucky chick must have nailed him somehow.These yuppies always find a chick.Can you imagine what a fantastic wedding that could make for?I wonder if its going to happen soon!"

"It's not!", blurted Nikhil.

"Who told you?", the girls looked in his direction.

"I just know he isnt getting married.I know that for a fact."

"Bullshit!What are you?His best friend or beer buddy?"

"He is seeing someone. But there definitely isnt going to be a wedding."

"You know who he's seeing?"

"Yeah, uh...someone I know". Nikhil wondered why the word 'friend' didn't come out easily.

"What's her name?Come on!"

"His name.",Nikhil corrected," And I'm not going to tell you. Leave them alone."

He shut down his laptop and packed his stuff hurriedly. The girls were now snickering and giggling animatedly. The last thing he wanted to deal with right now was a pair of teenage girls gossipping about a gay romance. Walking out of the coffeeshop, Nikhil's thoughts returned to the estrangement he had subconsciously acknowledged. He was surprised that his mind had chosen to stick to the truth even though it hardly made a difference to the girls how Nikhil knew Tarun's boyfriend.

He strolled into a mall and tried to lose himself in a sea of faces. The drone helped him zone out and focus his thoughts in an unusual silence. It was this same mall where Rishi had met him to talk about his first breakup. Nikhil remembered the bench they'd sat upon when Rishi sighed in frustration at the end of a 4 year relationship. The chaat-stand they stopped at where Nikhil bought him some pani-puri and stuffed them in his face to bring a smile, the fountain where Rishi had claimed Nikhil to be his best friend, the parking level where he had hugged him tight before saying goodbye-Nikhil cursed his memory for remembering every minute detail of their friendship including all of their outings,conversations,moments of frivolity and goodbye hugs.

Sauntering over to a familiar table,Nikhil sat down and toyed with his earphones distractedly. He didn't notice a mass of bags occupy the seat across him and jumped up with a start when a voiced popped "Boo!".

"Priya!Jackass!"

"You were a sitting duck really. If I didn't know better, I'd love to make you feel more miserable right now, moron!", chirped Priya. She was one of Nikhil's closest friends and confidante."What's with the long face? I've seen basset hounds look more cheerful."

"Nah, just lost in thought."

"Good, keep 'em to yourself. Nothing works better!"

"Y'know, there's a free lecture tonight at the local community college about getting in touch with your female sensitivity. You should attend that.Maybe they can help you find where you lost yours."

"That's ok, Nix.You probably picked it up right where I tried to lose it!"

"Oh screw you.."

"So hey, I ran into Tarun Raghavan at Mocha Joe's nearby. Handsome man ! I'm gonna let him know that my evenings are wide open for him!"

"Yeah right. And they arent the only things about you that are wide open either!"

"Shut up!Anyways, isn't he seeing Rishi? I thought the two of them were something of an item now.How's Rishi, by the way? What's he upto?"

"No clue. You probably see Rishi more frequently than I do"

"That's weird. I thought you guys were like really close", Priya commented absentmindedly as she flipped through a menu.

"We were.But we hardly see each other these days. He must have forgotten me. " muttered Nikhil.

"Maybe you just pulled his leg too much. You can be pretty nasty sometimes.Ooh its been ages since I've had dahi vada. I am so gonna go for that right now!". Her attention had shifted to the menu.

"Definitely not the case. That fellow's hide is thicker than a buffalo's!"

Priya shrugged and started to flip through a magazine after placing her order with a waiter.

"He's just that sort of person, you know? Kinda flakey. Latches onto someone before he finds someone else.", Nikhil continued.

"Haven't you guys been friends for almost 2 years now?"

Nikhil felt his ears turn red and warm up. He felt ashamed for sounding petty.

Rishi could be very flakey and Nikhil's patience typically wore out with flakes very quickly. He preferred suave to silly.But it was this particular imperfection which Nikhil found endearing with the charmer.In Rishi,he found it easier to deal with things in a laidback manner, something Rishi had perfected.

"Yeah I know. It's not like we had an argument or something. He just gets distracted easily. I mean, look at his boyfriends. First there was Milind, Mayor of Flake city! Then there was the philosophy major who couldnt stop complaining about the world.And Chetan, the silly twit who could lose to a 5th grade student in an IQ test! "

"Why do you care so much?If he wants to date jerks,let him! That's his problem."

"I don't have a problem!", Nikhil spat out."I just feel sorry that he has to waste time with such guys.I mean, it shouldn't take more than 1 date to figure out that none of them really have what it can take for Rishi to enter into a relationship."

"Including Tarun?", Priya quizzed.

"Why not?I mean, it cant be easy dating someone so famous."

"They've been together for several weeks now , right ? Give him some credit. Maybe he has learnt to be smarter. And anyways, why are you so hell-bent on quickly spotting something which these guys lack?". Her eyes narrowed in curiosity.

"I just...I mean, I'm only trying to watch out for him.", Nikhil flustered.

"You sure about that? Seems like someone might be a tad jealous..."

The realisation bothered him.He was never one to openly admit a fascination for another person and he certainly had no intention of letting Priya find out about..

"You know you can never have him."

"Huh?"

"Tarun. If you're jealous of Rishi because he's dating Tarun, get over it. You're never going to get that lucky. He's wayyy out of your league!"

"You know its amazing I actually bother to even seek your advice!" Nikhil spat out. His pulse was racing.

"Oh come on, I see through you. You criticise Rishi every time he starts to date someone.Secretly you're happy when he breaks up soon and it's not some platonic bullshit about you wanting something better for Rishi. You just cant stand him finding someone and settling down before you do so yourself. And Rishi being in a relation reminds you that you're still single and alone. And after a string of losers, Rishi has found someone so awesome that your jealousy is getting the better of you. Grow up, ok?"

"You're out of your mind!",Nikhil bellowed. "You think I am jealous of him? He can date a movie star for all I care."

"Look Nix,I don't know why you're single. You're a prize package and any guy would be lucky to have you.I know you didn't expect me to tell you that but I do believe it and I'll only admit it on occasion. But you need to learn to be a bigger person here. You cannot let your own feelings of self-pity turn into spite this way. And Rishi is a good friend, for God's sake! You think he'd feel this way about you if you were dating Tarun instead?"

Nikhil buried his face in his hands."Maybe he wouldn't. But then who knows what he'd feel. I can't remember the last time we hung out. He probably wouldn't care if I were to date someone famous...". It was petty but it felt good to say it.

"What a baby! Cheer up and go find a date for yourself. And stop sulking,will you?You could put off a drunk guy this way!"

"Oh go stalk someone!", Nikhil muttered and stretched out.

"Anyways, I gotta run. Prithvi wants to go see a movie. Wanna join?"

"Nah you go on. I'll hang out here for a bit. Clear my head..."

"Call me if you change your mind. I'll see you later then.."

Priya hurried off leaving Nikhil at the table, confused, irritated and slightly guilty.

He knew he should have been more supportive. As flakey as Rishi could be, he had always sworn his affection to Nikhil, ready to take the blame and apologise whenever he screwed up as a friend. Nikhil also realised that a lot of his frustration came from his own impatience with Rishi-that he never learnt from his mistakes...in their relationship as well as in Rishi's love life. He should learn to control it and be a better friend,he decided. Priya was right.He needed to become a bigger person.

But why couldn't Rishi see things clearly?Why did he have to jump from bed to bed, carrying pieces of broken heart everywhere? It bothered Nikhil that his frustration was getting the better of him. It bothered him even more to realise that the frustration completely concealed something Priya had almost hit upon,but not quite.

With resignation,he looked down at the scribble his car key had made on the table and he hugged himself tightly.

It hurts so much,Rishi....hurts so much.

The way I see it....

fart=fancy snooty art
obnoxious=rudely get in your way and knock you over
symphony=singing pretentiously
ridiculous=group asking to be made fun of
idea=Drunk Australian proudly claiming to have 'scored'
style=fancy waiting rows for pigs

folly=person on a downward journey (usually painful)

dynamite=something you might die from

mermaid=listening device to pick up soft conversation

ipod=treatment facility for people with low self-esteem

laptop=petite escort

juicy=firm affiliation to Israel

radish=almost cool (will be in a few days!)

supper=1.teenager ; 2.bouncer at a bar

xenophobia=fear of the alphabet ending in "x"

For Auld Lang Syne

As I shut the door after the last of my guests had departed,I turned around to wade through party hats,confetti and balloons to sink into my couch and stretch. The evening had turned out to be more fun than I'd expected it to. With a sigh of exhaustion,I realised that this was the beginning of yet another year, yet another collection of stories for my journal, yet another endless string of lonely nights, moments of exhilaration,  possible triumphs,probably heartbreaks and infinite expectations.

Somehow, it seems like several years have passed in the last 365 days. I have learnt to be more independent than I have ever been in the past.I have made new friends, lost out on some old ones, made mistakes, felt pain and pride. My travels took me to the ends of the continent from icy slopes to alligator-infested waters. My confidence in my professional capability has soared even though prospects themselves have ebbed beyond belief. 

Above all, I have come to realise that I am now ever so closer to that moment I once dreaded but now am excited about. It will not be easy but it will have to be done. The wait has made me a stronger person who will not cower to pressure or yield to guilt. Every day I have learnt to be true to myself and expose that truth to the ones who truly love and care for me. 

I have not completely conquered my fears and perhaps that won't be such a bad thing. I have been fortunate enough to meet the kind of people this past year who have vowed to be there for me when the time comes and shoulder me in the aftermath. I am touched that they are anxiously waiting to hear from me when the time comes.

There are moments when people promise to be there for one another. In time, the intensity of their promise wears away and is replaced by the awkwardness of reconnection. Sincere words disappear and trite expressions save the day."I know! It's been ages!","Yes we must do lunch soon!""Definitely,we'll visit you guys soon".

But when friends make promises and check with you frequently to find out when they can be there for you, those are the moments you should treasure and revel in the joy of knowing that you are loved unconditionally.

Fortunately for me, these were the people who were present with me to ring in the new year.

Probably my most important one ever....