Tonight, I said goodbye to the Portland Gay Men's Chorus.
Now that my move to the Boston area had become certain, it was time to start saying goodbyes to the many wonderful people I have been fortunate to meet in the Portland area. The chorus has always been an integral part of my life so I could not bring myself to simply convey my sentiments through an email. I needed to face these friends and tell them in person. They deserved it. I knew this was not going to be an easy task. How difficult it was going to become, I would have never anticipated.
I was late getting to rehearsal and I crept into the hall and occupied a seat in the last row of the Second Tenor section. The chorus was warming up with measures from "Marry Us"-one of my all-time favourite compositions from 'Naked Man'. There is a line in this piece which says, "We live and die like all Your sons, Marry us..Marry us today!". I would like to know if there is a god in any faith who cannot respect that. If the words aren't sufficient to melt your heart, perhaps this video from our brothers in the Heartland Men's Chorus (Kansas City, Missouri) will.
The first half of rehearsal quickly came to an end after we practiced "How do I love thee, Let me count the ways" and "Hard Candy Christmas". The pain and sorrow I felt grew unbearably. Somehow, it felt like these songs couldn't be more apt for the situation. I tried to focus on the music but tears kept clouding my eyes. I drew deep breaths and walked to the front of the hall when it was time to make announcements.
When I got my chance, I walked out and faced the group. Nearly 150 men smiled back at me and I felt that same sense of being overwhelmed which I felt when I first got introduced to the group.
I saw Ernest, one of the first friends I made who brought a bag of rice with a coin on the day I was moving into a new apartment. It was a tradition in his culture to bring prosperity in the new home.
I saw Richard and Carl. How many times had they invited me over to the many dinners and afternoon socials they hosted regularly?
I saw Matt, one of the kindest souls I have ever known.
I saw cheerful Kent, the chorus' resident Lost&Found who was always the last person to leave a concert hall and collect leftover items.
I saw Michael who took me to the Beth Israel Jewish temple for Yom Kippur besides several plays at Portland Center Stage.
I saw Aron who helped polish my resume diligently when I was searching for jobs 3 years ago.
I saw Lakin, my partner in texting crime during every rehearsal.
I saw Sid, my veritable Jewish 'mother' who was always brutally honest about things to make me look better and sound better.
I saw Tommy, who helped me pick up a couch and then drove all over town on that rainy day to find a place where we could dump it because it was unbearably stinky.
This was going to be very difficult.
"My name is Vikram Srinivasan and I sing in the Second Tenor section. I've been with the chorus for 6 years now and this is actually the first time I have come forward to make an announcement. That's really sad..."
Polite laughter followed.
"What's also sad is that this may very well be the last announcement I make. "
The words started to choke in my throat and I had to pause frequently to collect myself.
"Unfortunately, the US government has decided that it is time for me to leave the country since my visa is expiring. My company isn't able to do anything about it. So I am moving to Boston for a new job. Pretty soon, I will be moving back to India."
"People say that I should be excited about going back to my family. But, you see, the truth is that this is also home right here. You guys are also my family. So I don't see how I can get excited about leaving this home really."
By now, I was really struggling. The love and affection I saw in their eyes unleashed a fresh slew of tears.
"I mean, I recall my audition 6 years ago when Bob said he was playing in a different key and I was too embarrassed to admit that I didn't know what a 'key' was! I remember sitting next to this handsome man who sang so beautifully that I thought, "Dear God, What did I get into?". That person was Joseph Pearce and he ended up becoming one of my closest friends in the chorus."
"I could go on about each of you but there's not enough Kleenex in this room for that. Before I go, I just want to say this. To the new members who have joined this term, Welcome! I hope you cherish this experience as much as I will. To the people who were in the chorus when I joined and the ones I've met afterwards, you have NO idea how much I owe you. I cannot even begin to say thanks."
"Should your travels bring you to India, I would be honoured to host you and show you around. I really hope our paths cross soon and I get to sing with you again. Until then, please know that you will all have a very special place in the heart of this Indian guy."
When I finished, I broke down. People told me later that the chorus stood up to applaud but I never saw that. I buried my face in a bear hug from Bob, our conductor, and wept.
Without a doubt, this is one of the finest group of people you will ever get to meet. When I first moved to Portland in 2006, I knew nobody. This chorus took me in as if they'd been waiting for my arrival. They showered me with so much love and kindness that I felt I'd just found a family of over 100 people. Through the years, I have shared laughter, tears, dates, heartbreaks and memories with them. These men have helped me move apartments, shop for amazing finds, plan fun activities when my parents visited, supported me in distress and given me confidence when I needed it most. I am posting my speech here to say thanks to the many members who were either absent tonight or have moved on.
As I stood next to Wayne, Bob took over the stage. He wiped his own tears and lightened the mood by narrating my audition story, showering compliments and promising that I'd return soon. We then proceeded to welcome new members who had auditioned this term. The opening notes of the legendary "Never Ever" had never been difficult to sing before.
"Never will there be a moment ever
When we all will be together, never
Never such a moment, never will we look around and see these faces
All these faces never, will we hear these voices never, ever hear this sound!
No never, never will we have that first time, or this last time or just this time
Never get to live our lives all over ! Never! Ever!
Oh life will take us where it will! New beginnings! Ends!
Take each moment as a gift!
Give it back again!"
A hundred times I had sung this before but tonight, I could only mouth the words. Their weight sunk in as Wayne whispered, "This song is for you too!".
Later at intermission, several people came over to hug me and wish me luck. Joseph offered a complimentary haircut before I left while Dave offered to make more ceramic coffee mugs. David offered networking ideas to reach out to the Boston Gay Men's Chorus. Chris wrote to ask me if there was anything at all the group could do - rally support, launch campaigns and help change immigration laws.
I doubt I can ever truly convey my thanks for the love, strength, support, kindness and music which the chorus has given me. I also doubt I will ever meet such a fine group of individuals who create a positive, affirming community through fine music. If you should ever be so lucky to meet this group, grab the opportunity and see your life change.
As for me, Dolly's words will ring softly when Christmas comes along in Boston.
Now that my move to the Boston area had become certain, it was time to start saying goodbyes to the many wonderful people I have been fortunate to meet in the Portland area. The chorus has always been an integral part of my life so I could not bring myself to simply convey my sentiments through an email. I needed to face these friends and tell them in person. They deserved it. I knew this was not going to be an easy task. How difficult it was going to become, I would have never anticipated.
I was late getting to rehearsal and I crept into the hall and occupied a seat in the last row of the Second Tenor section. The chorus was warming up with measures from "Marry Us"-one of my all-time favourite compositions from 'Naked Man'. There is a line in this piece which says, "We live and die like all Your sons, Marry us..Marry us today!". I would like to know if there is a god in any faith who cannot respect that. If the words aren't sufficient to melt your heart, perhaps this video from our brothers in the Heartland Men's Chorus (Kansas City, Missouri) will.
The first half of rehearsal quickly came to an end after we practiced "How do I love thee, Let me count the ways" and "Hard Candy Christmas". The pain and sorrow I felt grew unbearably. Somehow, it felt like these songs couldn't be more apt for the situation. I tried to focus on the music but tears kept clouding my eyes. I drew deep breaths and walked to the front of the hall when it was time to make announcements.
When I got my chance, I walked out and faced the group. Nearly 150 men smiled back at me and I felt that same sense of being overwhelmed which I felt when I first got introduced to the group.
I saw Ernest, one of the first friends I made who brought a bag of rice with a coin on the day I was moving into a new apartment. It was a tradition in his culture to bring prosperity in the new home.
I saw Richard and Carl. How many times had they invited me over to the many dinners and afternoon socials they hosted regularly?
I saw Matt, one of the kindest souls I have ever known.
I saw cheerful Kent, the chorus' resident Lost&Found who was always the last person to leave a concert hall and collect leftover items.
I saw Michael who took me to the Beth Israel Jewish temple for Yom Kippur besides several plays at Portland Center Stage.
I saw Aron who helped polish my resume diligently when I was searching for jobs 3 years ago.
I saw Lakin, my partner in texting crime during every rehearsal.
I saw Sid, my veritable Jewish 'mother' who was always brutally honest about things to make me look better and sound better.
I saw Tommy, who helped me pick up a couch and then drove all over town on that rainy day to find a place where we could dump it because it was unbearably stinky.
This was going to be very difficult.
"My name is Vikram Srinivasan and I sing in the Second Tenor section. I've been with the chorus for 6 years now and this is actually the first time I have come forward to make an announcement. That's really sad..."
Polite laughter followed.
"What's also sad is that this may very well be the last announcement I make. "
The words started to choke in my throat and I had to pause frequently to collect myself.
"Unfortunately, the US government has decided that it is time for me to leave the country since my visa is expiring. My company isn't able to do anything about it. So I am moving to Boston for a new job. Pretty soon, I will be moving back to India."
"People say that I should be excited about going back to my family. But, you see, the truth is that this is also home right here. You guys are also my family. So I don't see how I can get excited about leaving this home really."
By now, I was really struggling. The love and affection I saw in their eyes unleashed a fresh slew of tears.
"I mean, I recall my audition 6 years ago when Bob said he was playing in a different key and I was too embarrassed to admit that I didn't know what a 'key' was! I remember sitting next to this handsome man who sang so beautifully that I thought, "Dear God, What did I get into?". That person was Joseph Pearce and he ended up becoming one of my closest friends in the chorus."
"I could go on about each of you but there's not enough Kleenex in this room for that. Before I go, I just want to say this. To the new members who have joined this term, Welcome! I hope you cherish this experience as much as I will. To the people who were in the chorus when I joined and the ones I've met afterwards, you have NO idea how much I owe you. I cannot even begin to say thanks."
"Should your travels bring you to India, I would be honoured to host you and show you around. I really hope our paths cross soon and I get to sing with you again. Until then, please know that you will all have a very special place in the heart of this Indian guy."
When I finished, I broke down. People told me later that the chorus stood up to applaud but I never saw that. I buried my face in a bear hug from Bob, our conductor, and wept.
Without a doubt, this is one of the finest group of people you will ever get to meet. When I first moved to Portland in 2006, I knew nobody. This chorus took me in as if they'd been waiting for my arrival. They showered me with so much love and kindness that I felt I'd just found a family of over 100 people. Through the years, I have shared laughter, tears, dates, heartbreaks and memories with them. These men have helped me move apartments, shop for amazing finds, plan fun activities when my parents visited, supported me in distress and given me confidence when I needed it most. I am posting my speech here to say thanks to the many members who were either absent tonight or have moved on.
As I stood next to Wayne, Bob took over the stage. He wiped his own tears and lightened the mood by narrating my audition story, showering compliments and promising that I'd return soon. We then proceeded to welcome new members who had auditioned this term. The opening notes of the legendary "Never Ever" had never been difficult to sing before.
"Never will there be a moment ever
When we all will be together, never
Never such a moment, never will we look around and see these faces
All these faces never, will we hear these voices never, ever hear this sound!
No never, never will we have that first time, or this last time or just this time
Never get to live our lives all over ! Never! Ever!
Oh life will take us where it will! New beginnings! Ends!
Take each moment as a gift!
Give it back again!"
A hundred times I had sung this before but tonight, I could only mouth the words. Their weight sunk in as Wayne whispered, "This song is for you too!".
Later at intermission, several people came over to hug me and wish me luck. Joseph offered a complimentary haircut before I left while Dave offered to make more ceramic coffee mugs. David offered networking ideas to reach out to the Boston Gay Men's Chorus. Chris wrote to ask me if there was anything at all the group could do - rally support, launch campaigns and help change immigration laws.
I doubt I can ever truly convey my thanks for the love, strength, support, kindness and music which the chorus has given me. I also doubt I will ever meet such a fine group of individuals who create a positive, affirming community through fine music. If you should ever be so lucky to meet this group, grab the opportunity and see your life change.
As for me, Dolly's words will ring softly when Christmas comes along in Boston.
1 comment:
That was touching! Very touching. I hope you get to go back home soon!
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