Breaking down Bollywood songs...

Ladeez end gentelmen

My name is Professor Shayari BandMaster.

Welcome one, welcome all to "Breaking down Bollywood songs - an Intro to understanding popular Indian movie songs through the ages"! Now a lot of you American ignoramuses might dismiss off bollywood songs to be crazy potpourri of gaudy costumes, hip thrusts and smoke bombs. Nothing could be farther away from the truth and it is my moral responsibility to present the Indian film industry in proper light.

Now in Hollywood movies (where hero heroine remove clothes in middle of movie and do dirty things without shame), sound tracks are fitted to suit only certain scenes (wherever director says) and win Oscar awards. This is complete disrespect to music profession in opinion of Indian music directors. We feels that the songs are the backbones of the movie , like the skeleton. Therefore, it is essential to build skeleton first and then build body.

Any movie in Bollywood MUST essentially contain the following types of songs (minimum 1 each) for box office success. For each type, I will illustrate with one example to show how proper lyrics should be written.

1.Hero's intro - mixing with college students (20-30) or village folk/city folk(hero 30+)
Hero is always man of masses.Hero introduces himself as best of best men. Sometimes hero also tries to pass cultural value message through intro-song to remind us all about Indian values which are foundation of all movies.

Eg:Anil Kapoor in "My name is Lakhan"(Ram Lakhan)

Ey ji Hey you!
Oh ji Yeah you!
Ey ji Oh ji Lo ji sunoji Hey you,yeah you,look,listen to me!
Main hoon manmoji I'm everyone's favourite here
Karta hoon main jo woh tum bhi karoji Just do whatever I do
1 2 ka 4....4 2 ka 1 I'll make 4 out of 1 and 2....and 1 out of 4 and 2 (oooh!)
My name is Lakhan My name is Lakhan
My name is Lakhan My name is Lakhan
Sajjanon ka sajan,mera naam hai lakhan The best of them all,my name is Lakhan



Then again,sometimes hero not so dashing-smashing. Tries hard to find love.

Eg:Sharman Joshi and Sahil Khan in "Excuse me!Kya re?"(Style)

Excuse me, kya re? Excuse me. Yes, What is it?
Mera dil tere pe fida re My heart crazy about you
Bus stop pe dekha tujhe pehli baar Saw you at the bus stop the first time
Jhatke se ho gaya tere se pyar Fell in love when bus slammed brakes
Bolta hoon main sacchi baat I speak the truth
Samajhna isko bakwaas kya? Not rubbish, ok?

Excuse me ? Haan bol na ! Excuse me. Yes, tell me!
Main pehle se shaadi shuda re! I'm already married!

2.Heroine's intro - in garden (for sweet rich girl image), waterfall(for Mandakini image) or Ooty hills(for pahadi type image)
Goodygirl heroine is like safebox where you store jewels. Once open and available for public display, it , sorry she, might get looted and robbed of family prestige. Therefore, please protect your girl child like flower.

Eg:Venkatesh and Karishma in "Phoolon sa chehra tera"(Anari)

Phoolon sa chehra tera Like beautiful flowers your face is
Kaliyon si muskaan hai Like buds your smile is
Rang tera dekh ke, roop tera dekh ke Looking at your complexion and form
Khudrat bhi hairaan hai Even God is shocked

3.Teasing song(boy teases girl or vice versa)
Boy and girl are like fire and firecracker. Chemistry happens with explosion and dishum-dishum first. So first we have playful fights between lovers, then lovers realise they'd rather spend time loving instead of fighting. Such a beautiful truth there is! Let us all do the same!

Eg:Govinda and Karishma in "Ik hai anaar yahan"(Dulaara)

(Please do not start controversy about song resembling American pop song. That music star says his shirt is sexy.Govinda ji says his pant is sexy first. Infact,even his rumaal is sexy!)

Ik hai anaar yahan kitne beemaar yahan One pomegranate here but so many sick girls
yeh dil main kis kis ko doon? How many people can I give my heart to?
Har ik ladki mujhpe hai marti Every girl falling for me
Main sab ke dil mein rahoon They all want me to live in their hearts
Kyuni Mere pant bhi sexy 'Coz my pant is sexy(only pant not pants)
Meri shirt bhi sexy My shirt is also sexy
Mere baal bhi sexy All my hairs are sexy
Meri chaal bhi sexy My walking style is sexy
Yeh rumaal bhi sexy hai! Look!Even this scarf I wear is sexy(not girly on a tough guy like me!)

4.Duet 1(fantasy - before hero heroine say I LOVE YOU)

Even though boy teased her, girl is not able to resist boy's charms.Therefore she puts up icy exterior to prevent his advances but secretly she is sending out pheramones to let him know that he is right up her saree,sorry alley (if you pay close attention, Govindaji mentions this in previous song!). At this time, either girl fantasises about duet or boy fantasises. The location should ideally be Ooty hills with 12-24 or 36 dancers (all female).Please pick celestial damsel costumes(Urvashi Taylors) for back-up dancers. Smoke bombs can help add colour to scene.

Eg: Anilji and Loloji in the movie "Andaz"

(yes yes I know that all examples seem to have Loloji but what to do, she is mast Punjabi kudi perfect for these songs!)

Dil ka panchi bole kuku kuku Bird in my heart says kuku kuku

Sanson ki bansi bole kuku kuku Flute in my breath says kuku kuku

Tera bhi dil bole kuku kuku Your heart also says kuku kuku

Mera bhi dil bole kuku kuku My heart also says kuku kuku

Mujhko pasand tere kuku kuku I like your kuku kuku!

Tujhko pasand mere kuku kuku You like my kuku kuku!

Jo tha khwab mein,hai woh saamne What I dreamt of is now in front of me

Roz karenge ham kuku kuku ku ku ku ku Now daily we can do kuku kuku !!

Boy handles initial butterflies in different way. Boy wants to celebrate with his loafer-friends who are quite the poets. They compares the love feeling to wonderful disease!

Eg:Shah Rukh Khan and Juhi Chawla in "Loveria Hua"(Raju ban gaya gentleman)

Kya hua, ise kya hua? What's happened to him?
Doston yeh ise kya hua? Friends,what has happened to him?
Iska to baj gaya baaja This guy is done for!
Yeh kya hua?Arre re kya hua? What happened to him?Oh what happened to him?
Sardi khansi na malaria hua Not a fever,cold or malaria
Yeh gaya yaaron isko This guy's done 'coz he has caught
Loveria hua!Loveria hua!Loveria hua! Loveria!Loveria!Loveria





In some cases, hero is so smitten he wants to enjoy the feelings in garden setting.

Eg:Noname in "Jab se hui mohabbat"(Pyaasi Raat)

Jab se hui mohabbat Since I fell in love
Kal ki nahin fursat No peace of mind
Kabhi unke khwabon mein Sometimes lost in dreams of her
Kabhi unke khayalon mein Sometimes lost in thoughts of her

5.Duet 2(fantasy - after hero heroine say I LOVE YOU)
All Bollywood movies are about love-love for one another, love for parents,love for children,love to kill,love to steal,love to die,love for animals,love to dance etc. Therefore it is necessary to have lots of love songs, especially in second half of movie (incase people forget story during intermission).

Eg:Shashi Kapoor and Mumtaz in "Phool ban jaoonga"(Pyar kiye ja)

Phool ban jaoonga sharth yeh hai magar I'll become a pansy only if ...sorry,a flower only if
Apne zulfon mein mujhko saja leejiye You promise to let me adorn your hair
Khwab ban jaaongi sharth yeh hai magar I'll become a dream only if
Apne aankhon mein mujhko basa leejiye You promise to nest me in your eyes

Please note wonderful director ji's-touch where Shashi Kapoor grants Mumtaz's request when he wears Rayban glasses reflecting her image.

6.Duet 3(reality - identity song in case one of them cheats later or is missing)
Love is blind. We Indians realise this very early in movie making. That is why sometimes the hero forgets the premika or vice versa. For jolting memory, it is necessary for them to learn a song together in cases of mistaken identity(very popular theme!).

Eg:Shammi Kapoor and Saira Banu in "Ehsaan hoga tera mujhpar"(Junglee)

Ehsaan tera hoga mujhpar You'll be doing me a favour
Dil chahta hai woh kehne do If you can just tell me what your heart wants to say
Mujhe tumse mohabbat ho gayi hai I'm in love with you
Mujhe palkon ki chaaon mein rehne do Let me stay in the shade of your eyes

Version 1: Boy singing (makes lofty promises)



Version 2:Girl singing (boy shocked by girl's lookalike and rebuffs her but girl's attitude is 'never give up!')




7.Family song(can be changed into Mother-son song if needed)
Family ! Family ! Family ! We CANNOT stress importance of family in Indian movies. Family always sticks together and nothing unites them like a family song. This will help as identity in future if children are separated or if they have gotten corrupted by modern culture. Parents can use family-song to set them straight!Best example I can think of combines lesson in English with lesson in music and quick 5-minute video tour of Indian tourist spots. Value for money !

Eg:Family number in "Hum Saath Saath Hain"

ABCDEFGHI ABCDEFGHI
JLKM JLKM
NOPQRST UVWX NOPQRST UVWX
YZ YZ
I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU!

8.Philosophy song(after either hero or heroine go through pain to learn meaning of life)
Now Now life is not always song, dance, teasing,joking. Lovers need to understand that they need to get tested the hard way. Chee Chee no, not STD testing. In Indian movies lovers dont do dirty business. But lovers do need to face hardship because there is no such thing called free love. The lessons learnt will serve to educate the silly romantics who waste afternoons thinking love is easy. Please appreciate multi-purpose lessons learnt through Bollywood movies.

Eg:Taariq and Kaajal Kiran in "Kya hua tera waada"(Hum Kisi se Kam nahin)

Kya hua tera waada What happened to your promise?
Woh kasam woh iraada Your promise and your intentions?
Bhoolega dil jis din tumhe The day my heart forgets you
Woh din zindagi ka aakhri din hoga Should best be the day I die

Please note poor lover doesnt get angry even though childhood sweetheart cant recognize him. Instead he takes frustration on guitar-ish device and lets childhood memories torment her. Effective strategy!

9.Devotional song(in case God has to rescue their love through miracle)
But not everything can be left to fate of lovers.Sometimes fate has to be moved in right direction. And only faith in God can change faith, as has been repeatedly insisted in our Bollywood movies. Praying to God is absolute must. That's why our villages are named Rampur while our heroes are usually Ramu (heroines Sita or Gita). And remember, devotional songs aren't always for lovers !

Eg:Akshay Kumar and Baddy girl Rekha in "Maa Sherawaliye"(Khiladiyon ka Khiladi)

Maa Sherawaliye Mother riding tiger
Tera sher aa gaya Your tiger has now arrived !
Apne khoon se nehlane To bathe you with his blood (ouch!)
Tera beta aa gaya Your son has now arrived !

Please pay attention to over-acting by Akshayji since Rekha madam's evil designs are driving him crazy!




10.Cabaret song/Item song(gangsters anthem when heroine is captive)
With devotional song, hero has double confidence and double shakti to face any obstacle. Alas,What a tragedy!Villainji has kidnapped innocent damsel heroine. She must be rescued by hook or by crook. Usually plot is complicated by including stolen diamonds or lost family relative resurfacing in gang. While hero tries to figure out how to solve these problems, villain's goondas are busy getting entertained by sultry vixen. Vixen is all about the fun things in life, after all, there has to be some perk to being the bad guy and dressing up in awful clothes!

Eg:Helenji and Parveen Babi in "Koi aaya aane bhi de"(Kala Sona)

Koi aaya aane bhi de If someone has joined, let them join
Koi gaya jaane bhi de If someone has left, let them leave
La La La Tujhko toh hai masti mein jeena You know how to live life
Jee le! So go ahead and enjoy!




Caution!Sometimes the chudail just might turn out to be the gatekeeper with a heart of gold so dont dismiss her as woman of bad character!

11.Warning song(when hero uses dancing distraction to make strike on gangsters)
Now hero knows where premika is trapped. He has to rescue her but needs distraction.Sometimes baddy girls can help if they have change of heart. She entertains gangsters while trying to mix secret message in her words. What a responsible temptress!

Variation:Hero can disguise himself and try to save damsel. Even pencil-line moustache can do.Gangsters are super-dumb for a reason!!!

Eg:Rajesh Khanna and Mumtaz in "Roti"

Naach meri bulbul ki paisa milega Dance, my bulbul, so that we can make some money!
Kahaan kadardaan hamen aisa milega Where will we find such a donor?
Ghungroo banaake paaon mein baandhke I'll make anklets for your feet
Kahan meherbaan hamen aisa milega Where will we find such kindness?

12.Happy song(all's well that end's well)

No matter what evil hero-heroine face, everything always ends on positive note (unless public demands tragedy where they die like Romeo-Juliet). In the end, we need to remind people about power of love which converts bad people to good people and villains to friends. Ending song also lets public walk out of movie theatre on happy note and singing nice song.Happy Happy Everyone Happy!!!

Eg:Entire cast in (Pyar,Ishq aur Mohabbat)

Yahan wahan idhar udhar dono taraf aag hai lagi Here there both sides there is passion's fire
Dono taraf pyaas hai jagi Both sides thirst is there

Dono taraf ek jaisa haal Both sides same condition

Dono taraf dil hai beqaraar Both sides hearts are restless

Isi ko to kehte hain pyaar This is what they call love

Above was basic minimum song-set for success formula. For better luck at box office, bollywood gurus insist on including one or several numbers of the following types. Please remember, between over-drama and under-drama, always go for over-drama!

1. Fun and game song(for kids)
Teaching the family values to the young ones in fun way is the prime importance in the Indian culture. Please watch little boys cajole granny here.

Eg:Lalita Pawar in "Gharana"

Dadi Amma Dadi Amma maan jao Grandma Grandma don't be mad
Chodoji yeh gussa zara hanske dikhao Drop this anger and smile a little
Dadi Amma Dadi Amma maan jao Grandma Grandma don't be mad

2. Wedding song(guaranteed hit)
No Indian movie can be hit without shaadi-scene. Spend lots of money on bridal dress. Seat groom on horse and cover his face with flowers so that he can walk unawares into marriage. Indian wedding is where bride's family has to say tata to innocent flower raised in love and care as she steps into house of in-laws to become kitchen-slave. Please release waterworks for girl's dad, girl's mom,girl's siblings, girl's kabootar and all the 100 extras hired for the bidaii scene.

Eg:Renuka Shahane, Reema Lagoo,Alok Nath, Madhuri Dixit and half of Greater Mumbai in "Hum Aapke Hain Koun"

Babul jo tune sikhaya Hey Dad, whatever you taught me
Jo tumse paya Whatever you've given me so far
Sajan ghar le chali I'm taking everything to my hubby's place
Yaadon ke lekar saaye Taking images of memories
Chali ghar paraye I'm off to a new house
Tumhari Laadli Your lil girl, Mommy!

3. Separation song(when lovers separate from each other or from family)
Parents never approve any kind of romance between boy and girl. Afterall, they didnt get a chance to date when they were young!Why let these kids enjoy? Pain of separation is so bad that girl has no idea about the things she is breaking or setting on fire. Boy meanwhile decides he will sing sad song in endless desert or on top of cliff so whole world can hear him. But ultimately,only girl knows how to steal show. She might drink poison or cut herself so that we forget about joker in desert and focus on her frail form instead!

Eg:Salman Khan and Ayshwarya Rai in "Tadap Tadap"(Hum dil de chuke sanam)

Tadap tadap ke is dil Suffering suffering heart is
Se aah nikalti rahe Gasping "aah" on and on
Mujhko sazaa di pyaar ki You gave me punishment of love
To aisa kya gunaah kiya What crime I did?
To lut gaye...lut gaye All lost ..all lost
Lut gaye hum teri mohabbat mein All lost in your love!

4. Tragedy song(when life hits you hard)

When Lady Luck isn't kind to you, only thing to do is put pain into poetry. Sometimes she gives you shitty deal like Raj Kapoor got in following example.

Eg:Raj Kapoor in "Dost Dost na raha"(Sangam)

Dost dost na raha A friend didn't turn out to be a friend
Pyar pyar na raha My love didn't turn out to be my love either
Zindagi hamein tera Life, I have lost faith in you
Aitbaar na raha, aitbaar na raha Lost faith in you

Please make sure actors tend to over-act.Every cheek muscle and facial expression is important. Sometimes it helps for boy and girl to cry. Also make head turn for every word or every line in song. That shows how words can pierce like dagger.

5. Motivation song(for fighting spirit)

Ok now all actors finish crying. What to do ? We fight! That is life's lesson...unless movie makes more money by killing off hero/heroine in tragedy drama (make note!). But life is never over....that is moral we exploit in Bollywood cinema. Pick heart-moving motivation song and if that doesnt work, go for reincarnation to bring back all new supershakti hero/heroine.

Eg: Nargis in "Duniya mein hum aaye to"(Mother India)

Duniya mein hum aaye to jeena hi padega Lets face it, we're in this world...so we gotta live!
Jeevan hai agar zeher to peena hi padega Life's a crappy bottle of poison, so drink up!
Gir gir ke museebat mein sanbhalte hi rahenge We stumble on obstacles but pull ourselves up
Jal jal gaye magar aag pe chalte hi rahenge We might get burnt but we tread on fire anyway
Gham jisne diye hain wahi gham door karega The One who gave us these sorrows will take 'em away soon

Please note,ladeez end gentelmen...in this song, motivation is exhibited by ideal woman like Nargis-she is the 50-50 of Miss India+Mother India.



6. Foreign Location song
Average Indian cannot afford to visit the Europe and the America.So Indian moviemakers become genius. They shoot one duet song in foreign location to show handsome hero+beautiful heroine dancing in lovely London,nice nice New York, beautiful Belgium and other places. Even better to get local kudis to dance with our superstars. Colourful costumes and sportscars look great in such songs. Hero can wear fluorescent green suit while heroine HAS to wear tight skirt or chiffon saree(even if it is in Alaska). Please note that audience wont care for lyrics in such songs. Just add some crap about "khoob","mehboob","dil","mast","jaaneman","dhadkan" and other rhyming words.

Eg:KamalHassan and Manisha Koirala in "Telephone dhun mein"(Hindustani)

Telephone dhun mein hasne wali You laugh like telephone ringtone
Melbourne machli machalne wali Exciting Melbourne fish
Digital mein sur hai taraasha Your voice is like Dolby Digital
Madonna hai ya Natasha Are you Madonna or Natasha?
Zaakhir Hussain tabla tu hai kya? Are you Zaakhir Hussain's tabla
Sona Sona tera chamke roop salona Goldy Goldy your complexion is all golden
Sona Sona cellular phone tum to hona Goldy Goldy you are my cellphone!
Computer ko lekar Brahma ne rachaya kya? Did Brahma use a Mac to create you?





7.Patriotic song (we love India)
But please remember, no foreign country is equal to our India!Long live Mother India! All desh-bhakti songs must have hero-heroine in traditional clothes. Please have heroine prance like little deer.That is true Indian beauty. Hero should be man of masses or try to show Indianness in any environment.

In following example, we combines the Indianness with the partyness.

Eg:Salman Khan in "India is the best"(Judwaa)

Yahaan ki ladki wah wah Girls here wow wow
Badan pe sari wah wah Sari on body wow wow
Maathe pe bindiya wah wah Bindi on forehead wow wow
Kaanon mein bali wah wah Earrings on ears wow wow
Pairon mein payal wah wah Anklets on feet wow wow
Honthon pe laali wah wah Redness of lips wow wow
Hai bholi bhali wah wah Very innocent wow wow
Hai sharmili wah wah Very coy wow wow

Saare jahan se acha Better than all the nations in the world
Hindustan hamara Is our India
Hum bulbulein hain iski We are tied to this land
Yeh gulsitan hamara This is our paradise

East or West East or West
India is the best! India is the best!