That day, his sudden presence in the coffeeshop hadn't gone unnoticed.Whispers started to float around and pretty soon people started to crowd around him. Nikhil peeped out the window to peer into the posh Beamer which purred by the sidewalk. Instantly he turned back and chided himself for his cheap curiosity. He had promised himself that he'd never resort to such fanaticism, even on the low side. Not in this case atleast.
"Do you think he's really gay?I don't believe that! It'd be such a shame!"whispered a girl at the next table.
"I don't really know. I read somewhere that he once had a girlfriend and that she might be suing him soon.", her friend hissed.
"Well I for one don't believe it. I'm sure some trashy magazine started that rumour to create gossip. Some lucky chick must have nailed him somehow.These yuppies always find a chick.Can you imagine what a fantastic wedding that could make for?I wonder if its going to happen soon!"
"It's not!", blurted Nikhil.
"Who told you?", the girls looked in his direction.
"I just know he isnt getting married.I know that for a fact."
"Bullshit!What are you?His best friend or beer buddy?"
"He is seeing someone. But there definitely isnt going to be a wedding."
"You know who he's seeing?"
"Yeah, uh...someone I know". Nikhil wondered why the word 'friend' didn't come out easily.
"What's her name?Come on!"
"His name.",Nikhil corrected," And I'm not going to tell you. Leave them alone."
He shut down his laptop and packed his stuff hurriedly. The girls were now snickering and giggling animatedly. The last thing he wanted to deal with right now was a pair of teenage girls gossipping about a gay romance. Walking out of the coffeeshop, Nikhil's thoughts returned to the estrangement he had subconsciously acknowledged. He was surprised that his mind had chosen to stick to the truth even though it hardly made a difference to the girls how Nikhil knew Tarun's boyfriend.
He strolled into a mall and tried to lose himself in a sea of faces. The drone helped him zone out and focus his thoughts in an unusual silence. It was this same mall where Rishi had met him to talk about his first breakup. Nikhil remembered the bench they'd sat upon when Rishi sighed in frustration at the end of a 4 year relationship. The chaat-stand they stopped at where Nikhil bought him some pani-puri and stuffed them in his face to bring a smile, the fountain where Rishi had claimed Nikhil to be his best friend, the parking level where he had hugged him tight before saying goodbye-Nikhil cursed his memory for remembering every minute detail of their friendship including all of their outings,conversations,moments of frivolity and goodbye hugs.
Sauntering over to a familiar table,Nikhil sat down and toyed with his earphones distractedly. He didn't notice a mass of bags occupy the seat across him and jumped up with a start when a voiced popped "Boo!".
"Priya!Jackass!"
"You were a sitting duck really. If I didn't know better, I'd love to make you feel more miserable right now, moron!", chirped Priya. She was one of Nikhil's closest friends and confidante."What's with the long face? I've seen basset hounds look more cheerful."
"Nah, just lost in thought."
"Good, keep 'em to yourself. Nothing works better!"
"Y'know, there's a free lecture tonight at the local community college about getting in touch with your female sensitivity. You should attend that.Maybe they can help you find where you lost yours."
"That's ok, Nix.You probably picked it up right where I tried to lose it!"
"Oh screw you.."
"So hey, I ran into Tarun Raghavan at Mocha Joe's nearby. Handsome man ! I'm gonna let him know that my evenings are wide open for him!"
"Yeah right. And they arent the only things about you that are wide open either!"
"Shut up!Anyways, isn't he seeing Rishi? I thought the two of them were something of an item now.How's Rishi, by the way? What's he upto?"
"No clue. You probably see Rishi more frequently than I do"
"That's weird. I thought you guys were like really close", Priya commented absentmindedly as she flipped through a menu.
"We were.But we hardly see each other these days. He must have forgotten me. " muttered Nikhil.
"Maybe you just pulled his leg too much. You can be pretty nasty sometimes.Ooh its been ages since I've had dahi vada. I am so gonna go for that right now!". Her attention had shifted to the menu.
"Definitely not the case. That fellow's hide is thicker than a buffalo's!"
Priya shrugged and started to flip through a magazine after placing her order with a waiter.
"He's just that sort of person, you know? Kinda flakey. Latches onto someone before he finds someone else.", Nikhil continued.
"Haven't you guys been friends for almost 2 years now?"
Nikhil felt his ears turn red and warm up. He felt ashamed for sounding petty.
Rishi could be very flakey and Nikhil's patience typically wore out with flakes very quickly. He preferred suave to silly.But it was this particular imperfection which Nikhil found endearing with the charmer.In Rishi,he found it easier to deal with things in a laidback manner, something Rishi had perfected.
"Yeah I know. It's not like we had an argument or something. He just gets distracted easily. I mean, look at his boyfriends. First there was Milind, Mayor of Flake city! Then there was the philosophy major who couldnt stop complaining about the world.And Chetan, the silly twit who could lose to a 5th grade student in an IQ test! "
"Why do you care so much?If he wants to date jerks,let him! That's his problem."
"I don't have a problem!", Nikhil spat out."I just feel sorry that he has to waste time with such guys.I mean, it shouldn't take more than 1 date to figure out that none of them really have what it can take for Rishi to enter into a relationship."
"Including Tarun?", Priya quizzed.
"Why not?I mean, it cant be easy dating someone so famous."
"They've been together for several weeks now , right ? Give him some credit. Maybe he has learnt to be smarter. And anyways, why are you so hell-bent on quickly spotting something which these guys lack?". Her eyes narrowed in curiosity.
"I just...I mean, I'm only trying to watch out for him.", Nikhil flustered.
"You sure about that? Seems like someone might be a tad jealous..."
The realisation bothered him.He was never one to openly admit a fascination for another person and he certainly had no intention of letting Priya find out about..
"You know you can never have him."
"Huh?"
"Tarun. If you're jealous of Rishi because he's dating Tarun, get over it. You're never going to get that lucky. He's wayyy out of your league!"
"You know its amazing I actually bother to even seek your advice!" Nikhil spat out. His pulse was racing.
"Oh come on, I see through you. You criticise Rishi every time he starts to date someone.Secretly you're happy when he breaks up soon and it's not some platonic bullshit about you wanting something better for Rishi. You just cant stand him finding someone and settling down before you do so yourself. And Rishi being in a relation reminds you that you're still single and alone. And after a string of losers, Rishi has found someone so awesome that your jealousy is getting the better of you. Grow up, ok?"
"You're out of your mind!",Nikhil bellowed. "You think I am jealous of him? He can date a movie star for all I care."
"Look Nix,I don't know why you're single. You're a prize package and any guy would be lucky to have you.I know you didn't expect me to tell you that but I do believe it and I'll only admit it on occasion. But you need to learn to be a bigger person here. You cannot let your own feelings of self-pity turn into spite this way. And Rishi is a good friend, for God's sake! You think he'd feel this way about you if you were dating Tarun instead?"
Nikhil buried his face in his hands."Maybe he wouldn't. But then who knows what he'd feel. I can't remember the last time we hung out. He probably wouldn't care if I were to date someone famous...". It was petty but it felt good to say it.
"What a baby! Cheer up and go find a date for yourself. And stop sulking,will you?You could put off a drunk guy this way!"
"Oh go stalk someone!", Nikhil muttered and stretched out.
"Anyways, I gotta run. Prithvi wants to go see a movie. Wanna join?"
"Nah you go on. I'll hang out here for a bit. Clear my head..."
"Call me if you change your mind. I'll see you later then.."
Priya hurried off leaving Nikhil at the table, confused, irritated and slightly guilty.
He knew he should have been more supportive. As flakey as Rishi could be, he had always sworn his affection to Nikhil, ready to take the blame and apologise whenever he screwed up as a friend. Nikhil also realised that a lot of his frustration came from his own impatience with Rishi-that he never learnt from his mistakes...in their relationship as well as in Rishi's love life. He should learn to control it and be a better friend,he decided. Priya was right.He needed to become a bigger person.
But why couldn't Rishi see things clearly?Why did he have to jump from bed to bed, carrying pieces of broken heart everywhere? It bothered Nikhil that his frustration was getting the better of him. It bothered him even more to realise that the frustration completely concealed something Priya had almost hit upon,but not quite.
With resignation,he looked down at the scribble his car key had made on the table and he hugged himself tightly.
It hurts so much,Rishi....hurts so much.
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